June, 4th

Dear Baby,

June 4 is always a special day for me. Every year on this day, I would read lot of articles online. I used to post myself, but since I came to America, I hav not written much. It has been 19 years now. I remember at the time, I regret that I didn't get the chance to participate, to really make contributions. My friend told me not to worry, because it seemed every 10 years there was a big event in China. At the time I thought, 10 years, that's so far, far away.

It's 19 years now. 19 years. Many people choose to forget. The young generations has no idea what June 4th is. However, to us, the generation who went through the event, no matter how hard we try, it keeps coming back. The wound is covered up. You can't see it, but you can feel the pain. It hurts, and will always hurt.

Every time I write about June 4th, I feel I have so much to say but always end up saying nothing. I don't have confidence I can accurately describe what happened and how it forever influenced my life. I read the diary I kept during that time. It sometimes still makes my eyes watery. I was naive, but I was young and passionate. I was so eager to do anything for my country at any price.

Maybe I will try another time, but for now, I just want to write down the lyrics of two songs. The first one is what happened 19 years ago. The second tells you what has changed in this 19 years.

Fernando

(By ABBA)

Can you hear the drums fernando?
I remember long ago another starry night like this
In the firelight fernando
You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar
I could hear the distant drums
And sounds of bugle calls were coming from afar

They were closer now fernando
Every hour every minute seemed to last eternally
I was so afraid fernando
We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die
And Im not ashamed to say
The roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry

There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, fernando
Though I never thought that we could lose
Theres no regret
If I had to do the same againI would, my friend, fernando............

(You can hear this song at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ohr4P8E_io)

Another one is a Chinese song. I translated it into English. This song described exactly what happened to those who cared (those who were sad and lonely until they chose to forget and live a materialistic lifestyle)

Song of a Consumer

Everything is meaningless
His past is gone

That summer, his first girlfriend was shot with her classmates
Before he had chance to tell her he loved her
He tried to find the killer, until
Many year later he realized the gun was not in the hand of the killer
Nobody killed anybody. Nobody.
Although his friends, along with their big dreams, were forever erased

Everybody was trying to forget it,
The dark event he thought may change their lives
To forget what happened people would forget about him
He is lonely, he is sad
He thought he would be lonely forever
Until the day he found his freedom, freedom of conscience
He will never be sorry to anybody or for anything

He felt he was born at the right time
This is the time for him
He has no soul, no conscience
He has learned how to become a consumer
He owns big house and luxury cars
He knows how to enjoy service because that's the only thing
He can buy with money
But he is tired...
He is tired of rich people, he is tired of angry young men
He is tired of women who have sleep with him, he is tired of those who serve him
He is tired of anybody who tells him there are things meaningful in this world

Above all,
He hates anything that reminded him of the past
Of what happend in that summer

You can hear this song at http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/nfw1ZfT1y5I/.